Not Another Happy Ending (2013) 6/10

Starring : Karen Gillan, Stanley Weber, Amy Manson, Ian De Caestecker
Director : John McKay
Running Time : 98 mins

Jane Lockhart (Gillan) is devastated when she finds that her publisher Tom Duval (Weber) has changed the title of her first published novel, but the joy of being published soon takes its toll and she develops writers block. Realising that the only way to unblock her is to make her miserable again, Duval endeavours to do whatever he can to upset her, but soon finds himself falling in love.

This could have been so much better if the characters had been even slightly more engaging. Gillan does her best to keep the movie engrossing, but the script itself is just a little too weak to make me care about what is happening, and the imaginary friend isn’t played upon anywhere near as much as I’d have hoped. Coupled with the fact that the romantic interests are incredibly unlikely and unlikeable, and you have a pretty mediocre movie. My honest opinion would be to skip this and watch Ruby Sparks instead.

You’ll like this if you liked : Tortoise In Love

Outsourced (2006) 8/10

Starring : Josh Hamilton, Ayesha Dharker, Asif Basra
Director : John Jeffcoat
Running Time : 99 mins

When the Seattle based novelty company Todd (Hamilton) works for decides to move its base of operations to India, he is sent over to help train the new staff that will replace his American counterparts. He soon finds himself thrown into a world he doesn’t quite understand, and finds himself falling for Indian employee Asha (Dharker), even though she is already engaged to another man.

This likeable romantic comedy makes for some fun viewing with the culture shock being the main focus for the majority of the humour, which manages to be very subdued where it could easily have turned into outright slapstick and racial stereotyping. Hamilton’s performance is a little flat at first, but he comes into his own in the scenes he shares with Dharker which makes their romance seem even more plausible and keeps the viewer ever more drawn in by the proceeds.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Other End Of The Line

A New York Winter’s Tale (2014) 7/10

Starring : Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt, Russell Crowe
Director : Akiva Goldsman
Running Time : 118 mins

A thief named Peter Lake (Farrell) is found abandoned as a child and raised by a demon called Pearly Soames (Crowe). As he tries to escape his life with the demon, he attempts to rob a house and meets Beverly Penn (Brown Findlay), an heiress who is dying from consumption. The two fall in love, but Beverly soon dies and Peter is left alone but miraculously becomes immortal...

This is a likeable enough movie if you can just accept all the fantasy aspects, which many viewers seem reluctant to do. If they had been more glaring, or if the setting had been an alien world or in the future, people would have thought better of the romance of sorts. The plot is complex and at times a little convoluted, and some of the ideas feel a little childish, but this is a modern fairy tale so what more would you expect.

You’ll like this if you liked : Upside Down

Rush (2013) 8/10

Starring : Chris Hemsworth, Daniel Bruhl, Olivia Wilde, Alexandra Maria Lara
Director : Ron Howard
Running Time : 123 mins

Formula 1 race car drivers Niki Lauda (Bruhl) and James Hunt (Hemsworth) find themselves competing against each other in the public eye as they use their distinctive styles and personalities to try and win the 1976 Formula One World Championship. As they openly challenge their rivals, they secretly develop a well-earned respect for each other, but their competitiveness soon ends in one of them getting seriously injured.

This is an intriguing biopic that will no doubt have all petrol heads drooling in their laps as they witness tow of the greats of Formula 1 competing against each other on the big screen. Both Bruhl and Hemsworth are pretty much perfect as Lauda and Hunt respectively, and the balance of drama and race car driving is evenly matched. Fans of Formula 1 will love this, and those who simply enjoy a good old fashioned movie about rivalry will like this too.

You’ll like this if you liked : The World’s Fastest Indian

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) 8/10

Starring : Ralph Fiennes, F Murray Abraham, Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton, Tony Revolori
Director : Wes Anderson
Running Time : 100 mins

M Gustave (Fiennes) is something of a womaniser who specialises in seducing older ladies whilst working at his European hotel that caters to the very rich, but when his latest lady love (Swinton) dies and leaves him a fortune, he must enlist the help of newly appointed lobby boy Zero (Revolori) to clear his name in her death and obtain him his fortune.

I always sit down to watch a Wes Anderson movie and expect the worst, even though I am rarely rewarded with a terrible film. This is a fun romp that, although you might imagine it to be a series of disjointed tales from first glance, possesses a fluid story line and a natural focus. Fiennes is great in the lead, and I thoroughly enjoyed his ambiguous character who manages to confuse the viewer by never truly revealing his motivations throughout the film.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Royal Tenenbaums

Kermit’s Swamp Years (2002) 7/10

Starring : Steve Whitmore, Bill Barretta, Joey Mazzarino, Cree Summer, William Bookston, John Hostetter, Kelly Collins Lintz
Director : David Gumpel
Running Time : 79 mins

Kermit the frog (Whitmore) thinks back to when he was twelve years old and living in a swamp; a time when he and his friends Croaker (Barretta) and Goggles (Mazzarino) decided to venture forth from the swamp in search of adventure, and find themselves kidnapped and sent to a high school for the purpose of dissection.

Fans of the Muppets might be disappointed to learn that Kermit is the only recognisable Muppet in evidence in this straight –to-video kids film, but that doesn’t diminish it any (in spite of a certain CGi Muppet that will remain nameless). The Muppet dog is this looks awesome and, if it wasn’t for the Muppet-like handling of the mouth movements, it could almost be mistaken for the real thing. Some children might get a little bored by the slow story (which is eerily reminiscent of Finding Nemo AND was made first) but overall this is a fun kids film that should keep them quiet for a little while.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Adventures Of Elmo In Grouchland

Non-Stop (2014) 9/10

Starring : Liam Neeson, Julianne Moore, Scoot McNairy, Michelle Dockery, Nate Parker
Director : Jaume Collet-Serra
Running Time : 106 mins

United States air marshal Bill Marks (Neeson) is working on a flight from New York to London when he receives a threatening text message saying that if he doesn’t transfer $150 million to a specific account someone will die every twenty minutes until he does, but when the accounts prove to be in his name it’s a race against time for Marks to prove he isn’t involved and to stop the real culprit.

This is one of the best action thrillers I’ve seen in a long time. It’s funny that Neeson has become something of an action star in recent years, but he works in them so well – even with his overwhelming Irish brogue. Fans of Taken may even enjoy this more, and the pacing and intrigue that this gives us is so good it’s hard to resist watching this to the very end.

You’ll like this if you liked : Flightplan

Provoked : A True Story (2006) 6/10

Starring : Aishwarya Rai, Miranda Richardson, Naveen Andrews, Nandita Das, Rebecca Pidgeon, Nicholas Irons, Robbie Coltrane
Director : Jag Mundhra
Running Time : 109 mins

After being married to her abusive British husband Deepak (Andrews), Punjabi born Kiranjit Ahluwalia (Rai) finally decides to take matters into her own hands and sets her husband on fire out of fear for the safety of not only herself but her two children. When Deepak dies of his injuries, Kiranjit is tried for murder and sentenced to life imprisonment, a sentencing she is convinced to fight against.

This is a pretty average movie portraying spousal abuse, and could have been considerably better if the performances weren’t so hammy. Andrews starts to get a little over the top towards the end of the movie, and Rai isn’t very convincing as the put-upon wife – though this may be intentional as her characters is meant to be very submissive. Worth watching just to look out for how many actors from EastEnders you can spot, but there are better efforts out there.

You’ll like this if you liked : Enough

Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright (2013) 7/10

Starring : Frank Welker, Mindy Cohn, Grey DeLisle, Matthew Lillard
Director : Victor Cook
Running Time : 75 mins

In the twentieth of the direct to video Scooby-Doo series, Fred Jones (Welker) and Daphne Blake (DeLisle) take the gang to Chicago where they are finalists in a show called Talent Star, but it isn’t long before the gang discover that an evil Phantom is haunting the shows filming location – an old opera house - promoting one of the finalists over the rest in true Phantom style.

This was a decent enough homage to The Phantom Of The Opera with a modern day twist involving reality talent shows. The mystery is an interesting one, with the kind of twists that were more prevalent in the early direct to video Scooby movies, and the humour and character development – particularly the on-again off-again romance of Fred and Daphne – make this a treat for kids and adults alike.

You’ll like this if you liked : Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra-Doo

Switch (2011) 7/10

Starring : Karine Vanasse, Eric Cantona, Mehdi Nebbou, Aurelien Recoing de la Comedie-Francaise, Karina Testa
Director : Frederic Schoendoerffer
Running Time : 104 mins

Unemployed Canadian fashion designer Sophie Malaterre (Vanasse) hears about a website called switch.com, where people can trade homes for a holiday. She chooses a place in Paris opposite the Eiffel Tower and trades places with a woman named Benedicte Serteaux (Testa). Everything seems great until she wakes up the next morning to find the police breaking down her door and Serteaux’s dead boyfriend in the spare room.

This is an energetic and intriguing mystery, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. I’m still not sure how Serteaux managed to remove Sophie from the plane's manifest, why Serteaux's neighbours thought Sophie was her (they didn't look that much alike), and how crap is airline security that they didn’t notice a severed head in the hold? The reason behind the identity swap eventually makes sense, so that’s the main thing, but the inconsistencies to the story spoil what could have otherwise been a damn fine thriller.

You’ll like this if you liked : Unknown

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes (2014) 6/10

Starring : Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, Keri Russell
Director : Matt Reeves
Running Time : 131 mins

Ten years have passed since a pandemic has wiped out much of mankind and a nation of genetically evolved apes find themselves under threat from the human survivors. Following an alliance of sorts, the apes soon turn on the humans when Cesar (Serkis) is shot, but was it by man... or ape?

I was rather concerned when this started off like one of the terrible Ewok movies of the eighties, with apes milling around and us, the viewers, expected to fill in the gaps of narrative. After about an hour things get going, but the move from simple storytelling to all-out action is something of a huge jump, and it almost feels like there was a change in director half way through the movie, Fans of Rise Of The Planet Of The paes will undoubtedly be disappointed at this basic sequel with little or no character to speak of, but if you like Michael Bay style action then at the very least check out the final hour.

You’ll like this if you liked : World War Z

Superman Vs The Elite (2012) 7/10

Starring : George Newbern, Pauley Perrette, Robin Atkin Downes, Catero Colbert, Melissa Disney, Andrew Kishino
Director : Michael Change
Running Time : 75 mins

Superman (Newbern) meets a brand new team of superheroes that call themselves the Elite, and soon learns to respect their abilities and hopes they will join him in defending mankind from the evils of the world. But when they start to use tactics that are both violent and over the top, the Man of Steel starts to feel that perhaps they aren’t as heroic as he first thought they might be. But with public opinion siding with the Elite, does this mean that Superman’s non-violent approach might be outdated?

It’s hard to say who to support in this movie. The only reason that the Elite go after Supes is because if they don’t he’d try to stop them, claiming that they are villains for killing criminals. But it has to be said that some criminals in the DC Universe should be killed, because innocents will die if they are allowed to live. Fans of Superman might actually find themselves disagreeing with his stand against this team of heroes who want to save mankind by killing criminals, but hardcore fans will want Supes to win with his unrealistic ideals.

You’ll like this if you liked : Justice League : Doom

The Heat (2013) 7/10

Starring : Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Demian Bichir, Marlon Wayans
Director : Paul Feig
Running Time : 113 mins

In order to be considered for a promotion, uptight and ambitious FBI agent Sarah Ashburn (Bullock) is forced to team up with angry unorthodox detective Shannon Mullins (McCarthy). The two instantly take a disliking to each-other, but are forced to work together in order to take down a mysterious drug lord that no-one has ever seen, known only as Larkin.

Bullock feels like she prepared to appear in Miss Congeniality in this hit and miss buddy-cop comedy. McCarthy’s character is so over the top it becomes harder and harder to believe she hadn’t been kicked off the force years earlier, and although the plotline makes reasonable sense, this could have been a whole lot better if there were actual clues for the cops to follow rather than what feels like increasingly dumb luck.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Other Guys

Across The Universe (2007) 5/10

Starring : Evan Rachel Wood, Jim Sturgess
Director : Julie Taymor
Running Time : 134 mins

Liverpudlian Jude (Strugess) and American Lucy (Wood) meet by chance when Jude travels to the USA to find his father. Surrounded by friends and family affected by the war effort, the two form an unlikely bond as she tries to cope with her brother being called up for military service and he tries to deal with discovering that his father is a janitor.

I guess you’d have to be a huge Beatles fan to enjoy this musical. There is very little story linking the songs or even the characters together – instead this appears to just be a series of songs linked together by an era rather than a plot, and the whole war-torn world theme is a little weak as a link. The only way this could have worked is if, at the end, all the characters come together (no pun intended) and connect over a single event, but as it is the connection of the war effort feels a little weak and tacked on. Plus the relationship between the two leads does not feel plausible to me – for most of the film I felt that Lucy really didn’t like Jude, so it’s strange that a romance springs from this, and in an unlikely way.

You’ll like this if you liked : Moulin Rouge!

The Hobbit : The Battle Of The Five Armies (2014) 7/10

Starring : Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lily, Luke Evans, Lee Pace, Benedict Cumberbatch, Ken Stott, Aidan Turner, Dean O’Gorman, Billy Connolly, Graham McTavish, James Nesbitt, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, Cate Blanchett, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Hugo Weaving, Orlando Bloom
Director : Peter Jackson
Running Time : 145 mins

When Smaug (Cumberbatch) is killed and the Lonely Mountain is freed from his rule, a number of armies descend on the area, each wanting the return of the treasures stolen from them over the years by the hateful dragon, but their lust for treasures soon leads most of the clans into an all out war with each other as they try to claim back what they believe is rightfully theirs.

One hell of an extended battle scene, this movie may be visually rewarding but the story is spread so thinly it’s amazing that it manages to stay entertaining for the most part. As everyone’s favourite Tolkien characters seemingly show up for no apparent reason, we are given a somewhat repetitive story that tries to distract us with special effects and random deaths.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Lord Of The Rings : The Return Of The King

And Soon The Darkness (2010) 6/10

Starring : Amber Heard, Odette Yustman, Karl Urban
Director : Marcos Efron
Running Time : 92 mins

American tourists Stephanie (Heard) and Ellie (Yustman) take a bike trip through Argentina, having missed their bus due to a drunken night out, but when Ellie mysteriously disappears Stephanie finds herself in a fight to free her from a kidnapping ring that is operating in the area.

You’d imagine with this being a remake that there’d have been a reason to remake it. Perhaps if the writers or director had some new ideas they wanted to add, or they wanted to engage us in some way, but this movie is just so humdrum and dull, with little or no tension, that there’s no way anyone could find it gripping. The acting is pretty bad, and the logic behind Heard’s discovery is far too coincidental for my liking. The only thing this has going for it is tension, which is pretty well executed throughout, but the payoff isn’t worth the wait as, to be fair, there are only really two suspects in the whole movie.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Hills Have Eyes

Jackass Presents : Bad Grandpa (2013) 7/10

Starring : Johnny Knoxville, Jackson Niccoll
Director : Jeff Tremaine
Running Time : 103 mins

Following the death of his wife and the incarceration of his daughter, octogenarian Irving Zisman (Knoxville) takes a cross country trip with his grandson Billy (Niccoll) to get him to his real father who has been charged with taking care of him. Along the way Irving tries to teach his grandson some valuable life lessons, including how to pick up women, and Billy soon starts to wish he could stay with his grandpa forever.

If you’ve ever seen Betty White’s Off Their Rockers and Jackass, then you can pretty much imagine what this is about. Grandpa gets thrown about the place and injured in various imaginative ways that would kill any true elderly fellow. This movie benefits from the presence of Jackson Niccoll, the young actor who anyone who’s seen Fun Size will know is going to be a future acting genius. This is fun filled and action packed, and fans of silliness will enjoy every minute of this.

You’ll like this if you liked : Big Daddy

Flyboys (2006) 6/10

Starring : James Franco, Martin Henderson, David Ellison, Jennifer Decker, Jean Reno
Director : Tony Bill
Running Time : 139 mins

During World War I, a group of American soldiers are sent to France in order to fight as pilots against the Germans. Initially excited by the prospect of battling the enemy, the young pilots soon realise just how lucky they will have to be to make it through the next two years...

The flight scenes of this war movie are pretty impressive, but the characters really didn’t do anything to make this movie gripping, especially considering I like Tyler Labine who is not his usual whacky self her whatsoever. Reno is wasted in this, and Franco is so wooden it’s scary. If you like war films, this might whet your appetite in part, especially the flight scenes, but as a complete movie this is on the whole too boring and gives us little in terms of historical learning or character development, in spite of the fact that the characters are meant to change drastically throughout the course of the film.

You’ll like this if you liked : Red Tails

Lucy (2014) 8/10

Starring : Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman
Director : Luc Besson
Running Time : 89 mins

After finding herself unwittingly involved with a group of Chinese gangsters, Lucy (Johansson) has a bag of drugs stitched into her body and is forced to become a drug mule, but when the bag bursts and releases the drugs into her system she soon discovers that the drug increases her brain capacity to ten times that of a normal human being, transforming her into an amoral killing machine.

This starts out great, with a surprising twist as Lucy is dragged into the world of a drug mule, then finds herself obtaining bizarre abilities from the drugs in question. Johansson is fantastic in the lead and the movie progresses perfectly, almost until the very end when time travel gets involved and ruins everything. If the ending had have been slightly different, or less ridiculous, then this could have been a five star movie.

You’ll like this if you liked : Limitless

Parasitic (2012) 4/10

Starring : Bianca Holland, Amanda Beck, Miguel De La Rosa, Marcus Jordan
Director : Tim Martin
Running Time : 79 mins

A batch of contaminated fish, infected with an alien parasite, causes the inhabitants of a night club to fear for their lives as they find themselves trapped in a building with their infected manager Val (Holland) running around infecting them with the parasitic worm that has set up shop inside her throat.

Wow. The acting in this movie is by and far the worst I have seen in a long time. Even the varying arrays of bouncing bosoms couldn’t distract attention away from the fact that this flick has some of the most poorly written and delivered dialogue ever committed to film. The random need for people to get naked was interesting, “Oh, I’ve just been sick and none of it got on my top, I’d better take it off anyway,” “Oh, I’m so sick, maybe taking off my bra will help,”, but it wasn’t even done in a funny way, more in a ‘this is porn, but it’s too gross for porn’ way. Seriously, steer clear.

You’ll like this if you liked : Zombie Strippers

August : Osage County (2013) 6/10

Starring : Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Ewan McGregor, Chris Cooper, Abigail Breslin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Juliette Lewis, Margo Martindale, Dermot Mulroney, Julianne Nicholson, Sam Shepard, Misty Upham
Director : John Wells
Running Time : 121 mins

When the patriarch of the Weston family dies, the rest of the family find themselves thrown together in an unwelcome and uncomfortable way, having to play nice with the people they have grown to hate over the years, specifically pill-addicted cancer suffering matriarch Violet Weston (Streep) whose opinions and views on life make her children even more miserable.

From the trailers, the movie posters, even from word of mouth, this sounded like it was going to be a light-hearted comedy drama, perhaps with an edge that would delve into some darkness towards the end, but other than the odd bit of slapstick and some one-liners, this was nothing but solid drama. It was uncomfortable to watch at times, and the characters are both unlikeable and, on the whole, irredeemable. If you don’t like movies that delve into addiction, child-abuse, and all sorts of horribleness, then skip this.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Savages

Insomnia (2002) 8/10

Starring : Al Pacino, Robin Williams, Hilary Swank, Maura Tierney, Martin Donovan, Nicky Katt, Paul Dooley
Director : Christopher Nolan
Running Time : 119 mins

While investigating the death of a young girl in a small Alaskan town, police detective Will Dormer (Pacino) accidentally shoots dead his partner Hap Eckhart (Donovan) while in pursuit of a suspect. Rather than come forward, Dormer claims the suspect shot his partner, but when he is approached by the suspect, Walter Finch (Williams), who saw him shoot his partner, he is forced to cover for the killer or face murder charges.

This intriguing thriller manages to give us surprises without actually throwing them in our faces. The performances are pretty good and the plot is reasonably believable, and as the movie progresses the holw that Pacino has dug for himself makes the action increasingly tense. Well worth watching, even if the title is a little misleading and only refers to the months of daylight experienced by the small Alaskan town.

You’ll like this if you liked : A Simple Plan

The Inbetweeners 2 (2014) 8/10

Starring : Simon Bird, James Buckley, Blake Harrison, Joe Thomas
Director : Damon Beesley & Iain Morris
Running Time : 91 mins

Bored with life in the UK, Will (Bird) and the boys decide to take a four week trip to Australia to visit Jay (Buckley), who claims he is running a night club and swimming in girls, but they soon discover that as usual he is full of it and the truth is he went out there to find his ex-girlfriend, while Will runs into the girl of his dreams from prep school and desperately tries to win her affections.

This is pretty much what you’d expect from the Inbetweeners, filled with gross out comedy and offensive humour, and it works wonderfully well. The boys are just the same as they were in the show, and their relationships with each other are perfectly examined. Some of the highlights include Will being chased down a waterslide by a turd, Simon being accused of being a paedophile, and a great montage of Jay’s fictitious life in Australia.

You’ll like this if you liked : Kevin And Perry Go Large

Red State (2011) 7/10

Starring : Michael Angarano, Kerry Bishe, Nicholas Braun, Kyle Gallner, John Goodman, Melissa Leo, Michael Parks, Kevin Pollak, Stephen Root
Director : Kevin Smith
Running Time : 89 mins

Three teenagers respond to an invitation on a sex site asking them for a group session. They head out that night to the location specified, only to be captured by Five Points Trinity Church, a religious group opposed to anything deemed sexually deviant. When one of the teens makes a break for it, the Churches actions attract the attention of the local police and a gun fight ensues.

This starts off okay, then gets a little boring when the teens are kidnapped, but as the gunfight progresses the pacing picks up well and things really get going. The acting isn’t particularly great, and the characters aren’t that likeable, but people who like what basically boils down to a rape-revenge movie without the rape will enjoy this uncharacteristic offering from Kevin Smith.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Hills Have Eyes II

Philomena (2013) 9/10

Starring : Judi Dench, Steve Coogan, Sophie Kennedy Clark, Mare Winningham
Director : Stephen Frears
Running Time : 99 mins

Disgraced Labour MP Martin Sixsmith (Coogan) decides to go back to his previous job as a journalist and agrees to do a human interest story about Philomena Lee (Dench), a woman whose son was taken away from her fifty years earlier by a group of nuns. As he investigates he discovers there is much more to the story and that the nuns had been selling the children to wealthy Americans and then purposely keeping details of the parents and children away from those that tried to find their families.

This is a wonderfully fun yet sad story that is perfectly performed by Dench and Coogan. Midway the story seems to come to an end, but what follows shows how far the character of Sixsmith has come in the course of the movie. Fans of Dench will love her in this, and fans of Coogan will be surprised by his ability to perform drama as well as comedy. This is a true gem that everyone will enjoy.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Sessions

Stardom (2000) 7/10

Starring : Jessica Pare, Dan Aykroyd, Charles Berling, Robert Lepage, Camilla Rutherford, Thomas Gibson, Frank Langella
Director : Denys Arcand
Running Time : 103 mins

Wannabe Canadian model Tina Menzhal (Pare) is discovered while playing hockey and is soon whisked into the world of an international model. She is seemingly followed around by a documentary crew who record her rise to fame and the various pitfalls that journey entails, including how the media treat her and invade her life.

This movie takes the idea of fame and shows how the media can really turn facts around and shape them to suit their needs. Pare is suitably vapid and oblivious to what’s going on around her for the lead role, and the documentary style really helps give us an idea of how a simple individual can be affected by the actions of the media. Although a little slow in places, this is well worth watching if you are a fan of documentaries concerning the rich and famous, and is an enlightening look at how politics is so entwined with celebrity in the modern age.

You’ll like this if you liked : For Your Consideration

Saving Santa (2013) 7/10

Starring : Martin Freeman, Tim Curry, Pam Ferris, Joan Collins
Director : Leon Joosen & Aaron Seelman
Running Time : 84 mins

Bernard D Elf (Freeman) dreams of becoming an inventor, but is mocked by his peers for his crazy notions. When Santa is kidnapped by Neville Baddington (Curry), the owner of a delivery company that covets Santa’s secret of how he delivers all his presents in one night, Bernard must rise to the challenge of defeating the bad guys by using Santa’s secret – a time travel device – and his own unique brand of ingenuity.

Christmas movies are generally either really good or really bad, but Saving Santa is actually kind of mediocre. The animation isn’t the best, and the voice actors – in spite of some big names – feel a little flat at times, with the concept itself not used as well as it could have been. Children will no doubt find this entertaining enough, but there isn’t enough going on to really grip an adult audience.

You’ll like this if you liked : Free Birds

Lost Christmas (2011) 8/10

Starring : Eddie Izzard, Jason Flemyng, Geoffrey Palmer, Sorcha Cusack, Steven Mackintosh, Christine Bottomley, Larry Mills
Director : John Hay
Running Time : 89 mins

The Christmas after Goose (Mills) is orphaned when his parents are killed in a car accident, he meets an odd man named Anthony (Izzard) who has no memory of who he is but has the ability to find lost things by touching the person who has lost them. Together with Frank (Flemyng), the man Goose fences stolen goods through, they attempt to track down a valuable book that Frank lost a few days earlier.

This starts off slowly and doesn’t feel like it’s going to be anything new, then Eddie Izzard shows up and all my expectations went out the window. This children’s drama is interesting in its tone and its pure Christmas sentimentality, and makes for a thought provoking viewing experience. Fans of Izzard will be impressed by his dramatic performance, but don’t try looking for holes in the story as there are many, which is common in movies of this ilk.

You’ll like this if you liked : It’s A Wonderful Life

Nativity 2 : Danger In The Manger! (2012) 5/10

Starring : David Tennant, Marc Wootton, Jason Watkins, Joanna Page, Ian McNeice, Rose Cavaliero, Jessica Hynes, Pam Ferris
Director : Debbie Isitt
Running Time : 106 mins

Desmond Poppy (Wootton) discovers that there is a countrywide competition open to schools to produce a Christmas song, but is informed by headmistress Mrs Bevan (Ferris) that the school doesn’t have the money or the resources to take the kids to Wales for the competition. So when new teacher Donald Peterson (Tennant) starts at the school, Mr Poppy tricks him on board a school bus and drives to Wales with the kids.

This starts off cute, but soon feels like a repeat of the first movie without any of the charm. I couldn’t figure what Mr Poppy’s reasoning was behind getting Mr Peterson on the school trip considering whoever went with him he was still kidnapping a school class. Basically this film is about an unstable man who kidnaps a classroom full of kids and, although small children might find the silliness entertaining, most grown ups will just look at how dangerous the fun this movie portrays would be in reality.

You’ll like this if you liked : Little Miss Sunshine

This Christmas (2007) 6/10

Starring : Delroy Lindo, Idris Elba, Loretta Devine, Chris Brown, Columbus Short, Regina King
Director : Preston A Whitmore II
Running Time : 114 mins

It’s been four years since the Whitfield family have spent Christmas together, and finally matriarch Shirley Ann (Devine), known to her kids as Ma’Dere, has managed to get them all together, but they are all keeping secrets about their private lives from their family, and it might just take a Christmas miracle for them to open up to each other.

This drama plodded along with no real direction, and the individual storylines weren’t that impressive, specifically the one surrounding Regina King which was meant to be a bit of a comedy moment but didn’t quite work for me. It’s a shame the script wasn’t a bit sharper or the actors a bit more interested in their parts or this could have actually been a pretty fun Christmas movie that didn’t rely on the obvious resolutions or the ideas of a Christmas miracle to resolve its storyline.

You’ll like this if you liked : Four Christmases

Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014) 9/10

Starring : Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Lee Pace
Director : James Gunn
Running Time : 121 mins

Intergalactic thief Peter Quill (Pratt) steals a valuable orb and soon finds himself teaming up with a band of disparate beings as they attempt to sell off the orb for a profit, but when the realise that the orb is in fact a weapon they find themselves in a whole heap of danger from every mercenary under the sun and are targeted by the son of Thanos, Ronan The Accuser (Pace) who plans on using the orb to destroy the galaxy.

It’s surprising that such a little known comic book that has only recently had a revival should get the big screen treatment, but it works incredibly well. Pratt is perfect as Quill, and this seems to have opened the path to Hollywood for him after his time in Parks And Recreation as he is scheduled to star in the upcoming Jurassic World. The rest of the cast are great, and the humour and drama are perfectly matched at the right level. A must see for any fan of marvels latest batch of movies.

You’ll like this if you liked : 4 : Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Cosmopolis (2012) 5/10

Starring : Robert Pattinson, Paul Giamatti, Samantha Morton, Sarah Gadon, Mathieu Amalric, Juliette Binoche, Jay Baruchel, Kevin Durand
Director : David Cronenberg
Running Time : 105 mins

Billionaire Eric Packer (Pattinson) travels through the streets of Manhattan in the back of his limo, on his way to a barber’s appointment. Along the way he meets up with a wide variety of people, kills his bodyguard, and organises a meeting with Benno Levin (Giamatti), a man who wants him dead.

This was so boring it’s hard to say where to begin. Pattinson is about as charismatic as a glass of water and manages to take a dull and directionless script and suck anything redeemable about it straight back out. The supporting cast, though adept, have nothing to play with here and basically meander through the movie doing nothing of consequence while making me want to go to sleep, although the closing scenes with Giamatti did help redeem the movie in a small way. It’s possible that the dullness of this movie is supposed to be a reflection on how capitalism has drained all the life out of the world, but the fact that this was completely missed by me proves that this is Cronenberg at his worst.

You’ll like this if you liked : Crash

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After Earth (2013) 7/10

Starring : Jaden Smith, Will Smith, Zoe Isabella Kravitz, Sophie Okonedo
Director : M Night Shyamalan
Running Time : 100 mins

Thirteen year old Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) lives on Nova Prime, one thousand years after humanity was forced to flee Earth. When his father Cypher Raige (Will Smith) returns from a tour of duty, they are caught in an asteroid storm which forces their ship to crash land on an unrecognisable Earth. With his father injured and dying, Kitai is forced to become a man and try to recover their rescue beacon so that they can be rescued.

This is basically a vehicle for Jaden Smith with his dad taking the back burner for the most part. There isn’t much to the basic plot which relies heavily on visuals to get its message across, and surprisingly there isn’t really a twist in the end – something you’d expect from Shyamalan. Instead this is a sort of message of hope, wrapped in a message telling us that we are going to destroy our planet.

You’ll like this if you liked : Oblivion

The Rookie (2002) 7/10

Starring : Dennis Quaid, Rachel Griffiths, Jay Hernandez, Beth Grant, Angus T Jones, Brian Cox
Director : John Lee Hancock
Running Time : 129 mins

Chemistry teacher and baseball coach Jimmy Morris (Quaid) once dreamt of becoming a professional baseball player but never tried out. Now almost forty, some of his players persuade him to take a bet – if they win the championships he’ll try out for a professional team. When they do, he tries out and successfully lands himself a place on a team, bringing his 98mph pitching arm top the attention of the entire country.

This feel good family movie is a typical Disney everyman-makes-good flick that always appeals to the masses. Quaid does a decent job in the lead, finding his luck hard to believe for the duration of the film, and the supporting cast – though not outstanding in any way – lend credibility to his character that could otherwise have been absent without them.

You’ll like this if you liked : Field Of Dreams

Divergent (2014) 8/10

Starring : Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Ashley Judd, Jai Courtney, Ray Stevenson, Zoe Kravitz, Miles Teller, Tony Goldwyn, Ansel Elgort, Maggie Q, Mekhi Phifer, Kate Winslet
Director : Neil Burger
Running Time : 140 mins

In the future society has divided into five distinct factions, none of which are interchangeable, and teenagers must choose their factions for life. When Tris Prior (Woodley) discovers that she is what is known as Divergent, meaning that she can easily fit into any faction while not really fitting into any one, she discovers that her life is in danger if anyone were to find out...

This was actually a reasonable teen sci-fi drama that had some pretty good acting and a reasonably decent script, though some of the reasoning behind Tris’s decisions isn’t explained very well. It was nice to see Woodley and Teller on screen again following their awesome performance in The Spectacular Now and, though the plot is reminiscent of many other teen fictions of recent years, this is still an action packed and though provoking flick.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Hunger Games : Catching Fire

13 Assassins (2010) 8/10

Starring : Koji Yakusho, Takayuki Yamada, Yuseke Iseya, Goro Inagaki, Masachika Ichimura, Mikijiro Hira
Director : Takashi Miike
Running Time : 142 mins

The evil Lord Naritsugu (Inagaki) poses a threat to the people of Feudal Japan, so a team of thirteen men are formed and set out to assassinate the Lord before he can journey back to the Akashi land. On their journey they are faced by many enemies, not the least being Naritsugu’s army of seventy men.

The setup for this movie is really what makes it, showing the feudal lord as being as evil as you could possibly imagine, with him raping, killing, and dismembering people all in the opening scenes. This is quite different to the movies that really made Takashi Miike so well-known – namely Ichi The Killer and Audition – but has all the violence you’d expect from one of his films, coupled with a solid storyline. Granted, the body count feels a little high, but the depth of the sadness the assassins feel and their righteousness in their actions make this a compelling and rewarding film.

You’ll like this if you liked : Hero

Dead Man Down (2013) 6/10

Starring : Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Terrence Howard, Dominic Cooper
Director : Niels Arden Oplev
Running Time : 118 mins

Career criminal Victor (Farrell) decides to take revenge against crime boos Alphonse (Howard) by infiltrating his gang, but his actions come to the attention of his disillusioned neighbour Beatrice (Rapace) who, upon discovering Victors plans, blackmails him into seeking out revenge against those that have wronged her.

This is a pretty standard crime movie that had nothing special to deliver. The execution was slow, and filled with the kind of language that is becoming increasingly annoying in British gangster flicks, and Farrell and Rapace themselves were just too ordinary in their delivery and performance. Personally I wouldn’t bother with this misleadingly titled attempt at making an intelligent crime caper.

You’ll like this if you liked : Snitch

Big Mommas : Like Father Like Son (2011) 5/10

Starring : Martin Lawrence, Brandon T Jackson, Jessica Lucas
Director : John Whitesell
Running Time : 103 mins

Malcolm Turner (Lawrence) once again dons the guise of Big Momma, this time bringing his stepson Trent (Jackson) along for the ride, when the two are forced to hide from a group of villains after witnessing a murder. The two take up residence in an all girl’s school for the performing arts where a flash drive that the gang are after has been hidden.

It’s a shame that Martin Lawrence seems to have allowed himself to be trapped by the curse of Big Momma. At least the reasons for Lawrence to dress as Big Momma made a little more sense than in the second film, but his disguise still could have been less flamboyant. The addition of Jackson does nothing to help this movie, and his rapping is abysmal and made me want to cry with shame that this movie ever got made.

You’ll like this if you liked : Miss Congeniality 2 : Armed And Fabulous

Muppets Most Wanted (2014) 8/10

Starring : Steve Whitmore, Eric Jacobson, Ricky Gervais, Ty Burrell, Tina Fey, Matt Vogel
Director : James Bobin
Running Time : 108 mins

Following the success of their revival show, The Muppets are approached by a shady agent named Dominic Badguy (Gervais) who convinces them to go on a world tour with their show so that they can become famous in every country in the world. But the truth behind Badguy’s plans is to replace Kermit (Whitmore) with his criminal lookalike Constantine (Vogel) so that the two of them can set out on a sinister international crime spree.

Featuring what feels like a lot more songs than the 2011 Muppet movie, I actually thought this was a far better film. The plot wasn’t as weak, and the songs were more imaginative and fun to listen to. Kids and adults alike will enjoy this latest Muppet movie, which is filled with silly humour and funny set pieces that everyone can enjoy, and on the whole the guest stars were both excellent and surprising.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Great Muppet Caper

Keith Lemon : The Film (2012) 4/10

Starring : Leigh Francis, Verne Troyer, Kevin Bishop, Laura Aikman, David Hasselhoff, Conleth Hill, Nina Wadia, Harish Patel, Kelly Brook
Director : Paul Angunawela
Running Time : 82 mins

When Keith Lemon (Francis) travels to London to try and promote his new security product, no one is interested, but there he meets fellow entrepreneur Kushvinder (Patel) offers him his invention – a buttonless cell phone – he becomes an overnight millionaire, turning his back on his girlfriend Rosie (Aikman) in favour of model Kelly Brook.

This is to Celebrity Juice what Guest House Paradiso was to Bottom. Fans of Celebrity Juice and Bo Selecta might enjoy some parts of this movie, but the humour is so juvenile there is barely a chucklesome moment in the whole film, which feels decidedly longer than its measly 82 minutes. The acting is terrible, the plot is weak, and the jokes basically revolve around sex, cocks, arses and fannies. Steer clear if you are not familiar with the works of Leigh Francis, and probably avoid if you like him because this will ruin his comedy for you.

You’ll like this if you liked : Guest House Paradiso

Oldboy (2013) 7/10

Starring : Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, Samuel L Jackson
Director : Spike Lee
Running Time : 104 mins

Following twenty years of being mysteriously incarcerated in a hotel room with no contact to the outside world other than a single TV set, Joe Doucett (Brolin) wakes up in a trunk in the middle of a field. Having discovered he has been framed for the murder of his wife, he sets out to find who really killed her and exact revenge, while also trying to find his missing daughter.

Many would say that remaking the classic Korean movie Oldboy would be a huge mistake, and I’ll admit I was one of those people. But for those who have never seen the original this is an interesting and disturbing movie that admittedly is enjoyable. Lee has apparently claimed that this is based on the Manga and not the movie but, other than the very ending, this is almost identical to the 2003 version, without the bravery that that movie possessed in its final conclusion. For a watered down version of Oldboy, this is okay, but I much preferred the original and really hope (and suspect) that the rest of the Vengeance Trilogy are not translated.

You’ll like this if you liked : Taken 2

Notorious (2009) 7/10

Starring : Angela Bassett, Derek Luke, Jamal Woolard, Anthony Mackie
Director : George Tillman Jr
Running Time : 123 mins

Christopher Wallace (Woolard) is a young kid growing up in the crime ridden area of Bedstuy, Brooklyn. As he grows up, following his dream of writing rap lyrics, he gets involved in drug dealing and becomes a big time dealer, eventually making a mistake that sends him to prison. When he makes friends with Sean Coombs (Luke), a record producer, Wallace soon finds himself on the road to stardom as the Notorious B.I.G.

This movie looks at the rise to fame of the Notorious B.I.G, his feud with Tupac Shakur, and how fame and fortune went to his head and lead him to cheat on his wife Faith Evans. It’s an interesting drama, and doesn’t make any false claims that Biggie is a sympathetic character, and shows that he was a rapper who actually wrote about his life, not one of those wannabes you get nowadays who just write about bitches and drugs because that’s what they think rap music is all about. This biopic is a little long, but it is entertaining and gives a good picture of how Biggie’s life was from a young age until his death.

You’ll like this if you liked : Tina

Free Birds (2013) 8/10

Starring : Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Amy Poehler, George Takei, Colm Meaney, Keith David, Dan Fogler
Director : Jimmy Hayward
Running Time : 92 mins

Reggie (Wilson) is a turkey who has discovered that he and his fellow birds are going to be slaughtered for Thanksgiving. When he is kidnapped by another turkey named Jake (Harrelson), he finds himself taken to a secret underground lair that contains a time machine, and is thrust into the past as part of Jake’s plan to end the Thanksgiving tradition of eating turkeys.

I went into this blind, suspecting it would be another Barnyard or Over The Hedge. Instead this is a bizarre time-travel comedy-romance that whizzes along at breakneck speed, delivering laughs and action as it goes. It’s nice to see one of the lesser known animation studios deliver such an action packed comedy that will appeal to both children and adults alike, and here’s hoping their next effort is just as good.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Nut Job

Road Train (2010) 4/10

Starring : Xavier Samuel, Bob Morley, Georgina Haig, Sophie Lowe, David Argue
Director : Dean Francis
Running Time : 91 mins

When four Australian teenagers get run off the road by a Road Train, they find themselves injured and trapped in the wilderness. When they spot that the truck that ran them off the road is parked a short distance from their location, they decide to steal it when someone starts taking pot shots at them. It isn’t long before they realise that there is something very strange about the truck they now find themselves driving around in.

This movie started off like a standard horror flick, and then went downhill. Apparently, and this might be a spoiler, the truck was controlling people and forcing them to feed it fuel in the shape of human corpses. I just shook my head at how stupid this concept was, and also that this was an unfunny rip-off of Blood Car. Steer clear, this may start off okay, but this isn’t worth sticking around for.

You’ll like this if you liked : Maximum Overdrive