A Fantastic Fear Of Everything (2012) 6/10

Starring : Simon Pegg, Amara Karan, Clare Higgins, Alan Drake, Paul Freeman
Director : Crispian Mills
Running Time : 97 mins

Children’s author Jack Nife (Pegg) has started to write a novel about Victorian killers, and as a result he has become obsessed with killers and has become paranoid that everyone is out to get him. When he is told by his agent, Clair De Grunwald (Higgins), about a possible publisher that is interested in his book, he finally gets the courage to take his clothes to the launderette – a place that brings back bad memories from his childhood…

This was not what I was expecting. Simon Pegg was good in his role, but the story just didn’t go anywhere and its basic moral is that we should be afraid because there are serial killers everywhere. Fans of Pegg may find it hard to watch this, as it isn’t very funny, but if you watch it as a tongue-in-cheek study of paranoia then you might actually enjoy some parts.

You’ll like this if you liked : Guesthouse Paradiso

The Chaperone (2011) 5/10

Starring : Paul “Triple H” Levesque, Ariel Winter, Kevin Corrigan, Jose Zuniga, Annabeth Gish, Yeardley Smith, Kevin Rankin, Enrico Colantoni
Director : Stephen Herek
Running Time : 104 mins

When getaway driver Ray Bradstone (Levesque) is released from prison, he swears an oath to make things up to his ex-wife Lynne (Gish) and their daughter Sally (Winter), so when he is offered a part in one last bank job he eventually refuses, leaving his co-thieves in the lurch. When he then decides to help on his daughter’s school field trip, he finds himself being pursued by Phillip Larue (Corrigan), the brains behind the bank job Ray walked out on.

Like most movies that feature professional wrestlers (I’ll allow Dwayne Johnson to be the exception that proves the rule), this was pretty pointless. We’re supposed to sympathise with the professional thief who turns good for his family’s sake, even though his first instinct when he’s released from prison was to take the job as getway driver! At least this isn’t filled with ridiculous slapstick, although that could have helped move some of the action along.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Pacifier

Lockout (2012) 7/10

Starring : Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Vincent Regan, Joseph Gilgun, Lennie James, Peter Stormare
Director : James Mather & Stephen St Leger
Running Time : 96 mins

Wrongly accused CIA Agent Marion Snow (Pearce) is offered a deal to avoid being incarcerated in a maximum security prison where prisoners are put into stasis; if he can rescue the presidents daughter, Emilie Warnock (Grace), who is among the hostages being held at the prison, he will obtain his freedom.

In spite of having a stereotypical action plot, set in a stereotypical sci-fi setting, this has some unique qualities that make it stand out. Pearce manages to keep his character interesting by acting blasé about everything that happens to him, while Grace – whose character should be typically useless – actually manages to figure out the key piece of evidence that can gain Pearce his freedom. The action is thick and fast, though some of the effects early on in the move feel like you’re watching a computer game, and fans of violent movies filled with imaginative death scenes will want to add this to their watch list.

You’ll like this if you liked : Total Recall

Tyson (2008) 6/10

Starring : Mike Tyson
Director : James Toback
Running Time : 87 mins

Mike Tyson narrates the story of how he became a boxer, from his starting point as a way of avoiding getting bullied as a youngster, then onto his time spent in a state detention centre where he was turned on to the couching expertise of his mentor and father figure, Cus D-Amato. From there he became the heavy weight champion of the world, a title that came with problems of its own as he finds himself accused of rape and assault, and we hear of his later years as a father.

Mike Tyson enthusiasts may enjoy this insight into the boxers mind, but for me it just dragged on for too long. The use of split screens that fade in and out as Tyson speaks became confusing at times when his voice superimposes over itself, but the use of archive fight footage and Tyson’s explanations of what happened would be of interest to fans.

You’ll like this if you liked : Pumping Iron

Men In Black 3 (2012) 9/10

Starring : Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jemaine Clement
Director : Barry Sonnenfeld
Running Time : 106 mins

When criminal alien Boris the Animal (Clement) escapes from a maximum security prison on the moon, he hatches a plan to travel back in time and kill Agent K (Jones) before he can capture him. The plan has the added bonus of meaning that K never set up the system that protected the Earth from invasion and now aliens are attacking. Only Agent J (Smith) remembers Agent K ever having existed in the present, so he follows Boris back in time to save his friend, as well as the planet, from destruction.

I was pleasantly surprised at how good this long overdue sequel was. Considering how bad Men In Black II was, I didn’t have high hopes, but thanks to a slick script, some great acting (especially from Josh Brolin who does a mean Tommy lee Jones impression), and some genuinely touching moments, this managed to bypass all of my expectations and provide a very entertaining sci-fi comedy romp.

You’ll like this if you liked : Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel

The Fall (2006) 8/10

Starring : Lee Pace, Justine Waddell, Daniel Caltagirone, Catinca Untaru
Director : Tarsem Singh
Running Time : 118 mins

Suicidal stuntman Roy Walker (Pace) uses his storytelling skills to encourage a young girl named Alexandria (Untaru) to bring him the medication he needs to kill himself. As he continues his story of five men seeking vengeance against the man who wronged them all, he also continues to manipulate her into getting him morphine in return for continuing the exciting tale.

I wasn’t expecting much from this, but was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. This is one of those movies that perfectly balances the everyday with the fantastic, and manages to keep the story thoughtful and interesting from start to finish. Untaru was very cute as the little girl who really doesn’t want to see her new friend die, and she’s bound to touch your heart as Pace’s storytelling becomes more and more grim.

You’ll like this if you liked : MirrorMask

Piranha 3DD (2012) 5/10

Starring : Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Katrina Bowden, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, David Koechner, Chris Zylka
Director : John Gulager
Running Time : 83 mins

Just when the residents of Lake Victoria think that their problems with prehistoric piranha are over, local businessman Chet (Koechner) starts pumping the lake water into his adult-themed water park in order to cut costs. His step-daughter, marine biology student Maddy (Panabaker), comes home for the holidays and is horrified by what Chet has done with the place, but when she realizes that the piranha have returned she is more worried about what could happen to the general public.

Whereas the previous Piranha movie had some semblance of a plot and some attempt to take itself seriously, this completely slips into self-parody almost immediately. The acting is bad, the plot is almost non-existent and seems to be more about showing boobs than anything else, and the special effect for the piranha look like they are made out of rubber. Fans of the 2010 movie will not like this, although David Hasselhoff’s version of himself in the movie is at times quite funny.

You’ll like this if you liked : Poultrygeist : Night Of The Chicken Dead

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen (2011) 7/10

Starring : Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt, Kristin Scott Thomas, Amr Waked, Tom Mison
Director : Lasse Hallstrom
Running Time : 108 mins

Financial advisor Harriet Chetwode-Talbot (Blunt) is approached by a Yemeni Sheikh (Waked), wanting advice on how he can introduce the sport of fly fishing to his home country. She in turn asks for advice from Dr Alfred Jones (McGregor), a well-known fisheries expert, but he dismisses the plan due to the fact that the temperatures in the Yemen are in no way cold enough and that the country lacks the water necessary to sustain the salmon needed for the sport, but when the Prime Minister’s office hear about the project, Jones is forced into travelling to the Yemen as a show of support.

For such a basic plot this is actually very well written, with some wonderful word play from all involved. I was a little disappointed that this went down the obvious route of having Fred and Harriet get together, but the way in which it was done was kind of sweet, I guess. The only issue I had was that there was very little resolution as to what happened to the people who flooded the fishing area – it would have been nice to see them get punished.

You’ll like this if you liked : The King’s Speech

Iron Sky (2012) 8/10

Starring : Julia Dietze, Christopher Kirby, Gotz otto, Udo Kier, Peta Sergeant, Stephanie Paul
Director : Timo Vuorensola
Running Time : 91 mins

In the final days of the Second World War, the Nazis launch a mission to space and set up a base on the dark side of the moon. More than seventy years later, two American astronauts turn up on the moon and discover the secret base. One is killed but the other, world famous model James Washington (Kirby) is captured by the Nazis and forced to be their guide as they return to Earth with a plan to destroy democracy and bring about the Fourth Reich.

From the outset this sounds like such a comedy concept, but the fact that the makers of this film have tried to make this look as serious as possible makes it even funnier. Don’t get me wrong, this is intentionally a comedy, it’s just that they don’t go over the top and slip into slapstick. Fans of classic satire and parody will enjoy this, but don’t expect a serious look at what would happen if the Nazis came back and tried to take over.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Producers

Breaking Dawn : Part 1 (2011) 5/10

Starring : Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Director : Bill Condon
Running Time : 118 mins

Bella (Stewart) and Edward (Pattinson) decide to tie the knot, with Bella still pestering him to turn her into a vampire. The decision, however, is taken out of his hands when, on their honeymoon, Bella surprisingly falls pregnant and begins to experience an extremely accelerated and painful pregnancy. With her life on line, Edward has to choose between losing the woman he loves forever, or conceding to change her in order to give her some semblance of a life.

The problem with this movie isn’t anything to do with the director – the point is that this is based on an incredibly slow paced and uneventful book; probably the worst of the series. On top of that, the two leads spend most of the film looking and sounding incredibly bored. The supporting cast do their best, with some funny moments from Billy Burke and Anna Kendrick, but nothing could really save this placeholder for having Bella turn into a vampire.

You’ll like this if you liked : Eclipse

Safe House (2012) 6/10

Starring : Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Vera Farmiga, Brendan Gleeson
Director : Daniel Espinosa
Running Time : 115 mins

When former CIA agent Tobin Frost (Washington) is tracked down after having gone rogue and revealed CIA secrets, he is taken to a safe house run by CIA rookie Matt Weston (Reynolds), but when the safe house is compromised Weston finds himself having to take Frost on the run in order to prevent him from being killed before the CIA can get the information they need out of him.

Although this is filled with some great performances and some nice cinematography, this just wasn’t very gripping. The plot meandered and didn’t really gel very well, and as far as the twists go they were pretty predictable. Both Washington and Reynolds, as well as Gleeson, are all great, but the plot just didn’t help them make this into an A-Class thriller, possibly due to the lack of experience from both writer and director.

You’ll like this if you liked : Salt

Revolutionary Road (2008) 6/10

Starring : Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet
Director : Sam Mendes
Running Time : 119 mins

Frank (DiCaprio) and April Wheeler (Winslet) seem to most people to be the perfect couple leading the perfect life, but neither one of them is happy; April has been forced to give up on her career as an actress in order to raise their two children, and Frank hates his office job, but doesn’t know what else he could do for a living. April suggests they move to Paris where she can get a high paying job and Frank can spend some time thinking about what he really wants to do with his life, but when Frank is promoted and April falls pregnant again, the two start to differ in their ideas about their future together.

Both DiCaprio and Winslet put in some brilliant performances in this movie, but the problem was I didn’t really like the characters. Although they are pretty standard characters – a woman who has lost out on fulfilling her dream due to marriage and children, and a man who works a job he hates to support his family – neither of them felt that realistic, especially when everyone over reacts to Frank being annoyed with April’s mental brother who has no excuse for acting like a prick. “He’s not well”, his family argue, as Frank is insulted in every way you can think of. Couple this with one of the most downbeat endings imaginable, and you’ve got a pretty depressing drama on your hands.

You’ll like this if you liked : Blue Valentine

Prometheus (2012) 8/10

Starring : Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Logan Marshall-Green
Director : Ridley Scott
Running Time : 119 mins

A group of highly skilled scientists are sent on a mission to the farthest reaches of the universe when a series of apparent star maps are discovered, each from a different culture yet all strikingly similar. They land on a moon and discover an artificial structure that houses some incredible finds, including a giant statue of a humanoid head and the remains of some members of an alien race, but when they discover what the company who funded the expedition are really up to the crew find their very lives in great danger.

This is a very impressive prequel to the Alien series, no matter what some people have said. Many wanted this to be more like Aliens, but being like Alien is far more dramatic and far truer to the franchise. The suspense this manages to convey throughout the movie, and the realism of the characters (despite Rapace playing a Brit with a slight Swedish accent) makes this just as dramatic as any of the Alien movies. A must see for sci-fi fans with some great cinematography and impressive special effects.

You’ll like this if you liked : Alien

The Truth About Love (2005) 6/10

Starring : Jennifer Love Hewitt, Dougray Scott, Jimi Mistry, Kate Mills
Director : John Hay
Running Time : 95 mins

When Archie Gray (Scott) stupidly decides to send a secret valentine to Alice Holbrook (Hewitt), the wife of his best friend Sam (Mistry), he sets off a chain of events that leads Alice, with the urging of her friend Flick (Mills), to send a secret valentine to her husband to see if he tells her about it. When he doesn’t, she decides to test him further by making a sexy call to him from an unlisted phone, and that’s when she starts to suspect him of having an affair…

For people expecting a romantic comedy, this is just a warning to say this isn’t really a comedy. It has the comedy music and the comedy characters, but the situation isn’t remotely funny, and Hewitt’s futile attempts to make her husband love her come off as desperate. Hewitt trying to be sexy is meant to be funny, but we’re talking about Jennifer Love Hewitt here, who could look sexy in sackcloth. The scenario isn’t that believable, and Hewitt should have dumped Mistry as soon as she realised what an arsehole he was. And I still don’t know why she apologised to the woman he was cheating on her with. Watch this for Hewitt in her undies, but don’t expect a decent plot.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Ugly Truth

Gone (2012) 7/10

Starring : Amanda Seyfried, Daniel Sunjata, Jennifer Carpenter, Sebastian Stan, Wes Bentley
Director : Heitor Dhalia
Running Time : 91 mins

Jill Conway (Seyfried) is forced to relive the horrific events of being kidnapped, when her sister disappears from the house they share together. The problem is the police never believed Jill was kidnapped in the first place as they were never able to find where she was kept and also discovered that Jill had been institutionalized following the death of her parents. Now Jill finds herself having to track down her sister before she is killed by the same man that kidnapped and tried to kill her.

It seems that the majority of the public despised this movie, but I didn’t think it was that bad. Saying that Seyfried’s behaviour is strange and makes it hard for us to support her is a bit silly when you take into account that she has been diagnosed with a mental disorder. I enjoyed the fact that almost to the end we as an audience aren’t sure whether or not Jill did imagine the whole kidnapping and if, in fact, she is a nutcase. There are some plot holes, don’t get me wrong, but what film doesn’t have plot holes. This is an interesting thriller that should keep most people interested from beginning to end, even if they don’t support the lead character.

You’ll like this if you liked : Taken 2

Ring 0 (2000) 6/10

Starring : Yukie Nakama, Seiichi Tanabe, Kumiko Aso
Director : Norio Tsuruta
Running Time : 99 mins

In this prequel to the Ring movies, Sadako Yamamura (Nakama) decides to become an actress – a brave step for her as she is painfully introverted due to the terrible visions she experiences. In spite of her good looks, her fellow actors find her a little off, and when she is given the lead in the play following the death of the original lead, the rest of the cast start to suspect that she may have had something to do with her death.

Although nowhere near as creepy as Hideo Nakata’s original movie, this is still a little unnerving in parts. Granted, Sadako is no longer a frightening figure as she is shown to be quite attractive, and when the distorted Sadako figure appears towards the end it looks like some really bad CGI. Despite this, this is still quite an interesting origin story that fills in some of the gaps in the Sadako mythology, though doesn’t really explain why she imprinted her curse onto video tape.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Eye Infinity