The Raven (2012) 7/10

Starring : John Cusack, Luke Evans, Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson
Director : James McTeigue
Running Time : 111 mins

Edgar Allan Poe (Cusack) is called in to assist in a police investigation by Detective Fields (Evans) when a series of murders resembling Poe’s literary work start to occur in Baltimore. As Poe is faced with more and more deaths, seemingly committed in his name, things become personal when his girlfriend Emily Hamilton (Eve) is taken by the killer and buried alive at an unknown location.

Fans of Poe should find this an intriguing movie as it not only includes the poet in a manner we don’t normally see but also plays on many of his more famous poems. This is fast paced, even though many of the performances do seem to plod along at times, and manages in the main to stay loyal to the period in which it is set (aside from the early use of the term serial killer). Fans of modern day thrillers will enjoy this movie as it has all the formula of a standard crime thrill with the added benefit of having a unique setting.

You’ll like this if you liked : From Hell

Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010) 4/10

Starring : Tyler Perry, Janet Jackson, Jill Scott, Sharon Leal, Malik Yoba, Richard T Jones, Tasha Smith, Lamman Rucker, Michael Jai White
Director : Tyler Perry
Running Time : 121 mins

Following another yearly retreat, four couples find their marriages suffering for various reasons, ranging from lack of trust to infidelity, to the simple fact that they don’t love each other any more. Things really get to a head when the most stable member of the group, Patricia Agnew (Jackson), announces that she is getting a divorce from her husband of fourteen years, Gavin (Yoba).

This movie is basically a complete and utter waste of time. It’s as if Tyler Perry looked back at the original and thought to himself, “Hmm, now who was happy at the end of that movie that I could make miserable in the sequel?” and then wrote a horrible script to act it all out. The characters are largely disgusting, and I’m not surprised that the men all seem to cheat on their overbearing wives who basically accuse them of cheating even if they haven’t, and the men are generally a bunch of idiots. It’s a case of doing the crime if you’ve already been tried and convicted of the crime. Some parts of the movie just seem extremely lazy, while others just seem like repeats of scenes from the original. My advice – skip this.

You’ll like this if you liked : Madea’s Big Happy Family

Jeff, Who Lives At Home (2011) 7/10

Starring : Jason Segel, Ed Helms, Susan Sarandon, Judy Greer, Rae Dawn Chong
Director : Jay & Mark Duplass
Running Time : 84 mins

Jeff (Segel) is thirty, unemployed and lives in the basement of his childhood home with his mum Sharon (Sarandon). His obsession with the movie Signs leads him to find meaning in the most random things, from wrong numbers to what clothes people wear, and when he runs into his brother Pat (Helms) he concludes that fate has led him to him to help him deal with his suspected belief that his wife Linda (Greer) is cheating on him.

This is an odd little movie that for a long time doesn’t seem to have a plot or even be going anywhere. Once Segel and Helms run into each other it become a little more interesting, although we could have done without the car crash scene. It doesn’t feel like there is any direction until the end scenes when things sort of come together and, without wanting to spoil anything, Jeff’s obsession with Signs does almost become relevant at the end.

You’ll like this if you liked : Dan In Real Life

Babylon AD (2008) 5/10

Starring : Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Melanie Thierry
Director : Mathieu Kassovitz
Running Time : 91 mins

In a dystopian future, a mercenary for hire named Toorop (Diesel) is hired to act as protection for a young girl named Aurora (Thierry) from Asia to America, but it isn’t long before Toorop starts to think that there is something funny about the people he is delivering her too, especially when he finds out that she is pregnant and a virgin, and that those that have employed him are a cult that are awaiting the second coming. Along with Aurora’s guardian Sister Rebeka (Yeoh), the three find themselves fighting for their lives against factions from both sides of the globe.

Clearly the makers of this movie thought it was a good idea to butcher this film. Apparently it was heavily edited to avoid too much sex and violence, something it was sorely missing, and I find it hard to believe that this was based on a book! It must have been a pretty boring book – either that or none of the detail from the book made it to the screen. Diesel fans will enjoy this as it is Riddick-esque, but if you like your action R rated, then avoid this at all costs.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Chronicles Of Riddick

American Reunion (2012) 7/10

Starring : Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Seann William Scott, Mena Suvari, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Eugene Levy
Director : Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg
Running Time : 114 mins

Jim Levenstein (Biggs) and the rest of the American Pie gang return to their hometown for their high school reunion. Some things have changed in the more-than-a-decade space of time since they graduated, but some things have stayed exactly the same. Jim and Michelle (Hannigan) are now parents who never get any time to themselves, Oz (Klein) is a well-known local sports presenter, Finch (Thomas) has been on travels round the world, and Stifler (Scott) hasn’t grown up one bit.

This is full of the usual jokes you’d expect in a Pie movie, with the added bonus that they’ve all apparently grown up and have lives outside of school. Jim finds himself being hit on by the little girl who used to live next door (who is now 18 and wants to lose her virginity to Jim), and Stifler finally gets his revenge on Finch for sleeping with his mum. There are cameos from most of the people involved in the first three movies, so fans of the originals will enjoy seeing what has happened to some of the more obscure characters, and this is filled with the same kind of naughtiness as the originals.

You’ll like this if you liked : National Lampoon's Van Wilder : Party Liaison

The Grey (2011) 7/10

Starring : Liam Neeson, Frank Grillo, Dermot Mulroney
Director : Joe Carnahan
Running Time : 118 mins

A group of oil workers find themselves at the mercy of packs of wolves as well as the elements when their plane crashes down in Alaska. Their only hope is John Ottway (Neeson), a skilled huntsman who tries his best to keep the wolves at bay while also trying to help his colleagues to survive.

This may not be the best thriller going, and the deaths aren’t that original, but this is a well paced movie that keeps us on tenterhooks from beginning to end. Neeson isn’t brilliant in the lead role, but playing the part with an almost soulless manner makes it all the more interesting. The supporting cast are okay, and manage to scream and die convincingly enough, but it would have been nice if it didn’t just feel like the wolves were going to get everyone killed, as this made much of the film predictable.

You’ll like this if you liked : Frozen

Don’t Say A Word (2001) 6/10

Starring : Michael Douglas, Sean Bean, Brittany Murphy, Skye McCole Bartusiak, Famke Janssen, Oliver Platt
Director : Gary Fleder
Running Time : 114 mins

When Dr Nathan Conrad (Douglas) discovers that his daughter Jessie (McCole Bartusiak) has been kidnapped, he is surprised when the demands from kidnapper Patrick Foster (Bean) are for Conrad to help a traumatised mental health patient, Elisabeth Burrows (Murphy), to come to terms with her fears about witnessing her father’s death. It isn’t long before Conrad finds out that Elisabeth holds the secret to the location of a fortune in gems that her father stole from Foster and hid in a cemetery plot.

This had the potential to be a really good movie if it wasn’t for all the plot holes. Murphy’s character knows where the gem is hidden – how does bean know? Her dad sure as hell never told him, and it’s really convenient that he knows exactly what form the hidden information took and that the number he needs refers to a cemetery plot. And Douglas throws away the gem instead of returning it to the rightful owners? That ending annoyed the hell out of me. Still, Murphy’s performance is really good (I think this was what, the third time she played a locked up loony) which in some ways managed to help me ignore the mistakes throughout this movie.

You’ll like this if you liked : Shutter Island

The Hunger Games (2012) 6/10

Starring : Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Wes Bentley, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson, Stanley Tucci
Director : Gary Ross
Running Time : 143 mins

Katniss Everdeen (Lawrence) takes the place of her little sister when she is selected to participate in the Hunger Games – a televised battle to the death between 24 members of the 12 districts of the totalitarian nation of Panem. Along with her friend and district-mate Peeta Mellark (Hutcherson), Katniss is forced to fight for her life as the young competitors try to kill each other in the hope of claiming victory for their district.

This movie takes a very long time to get going, considering it sets the scene with scrolling text rather than with actual action. There are a lot of directorial and scripting choices that seemed odd to be, and it would have been nice to get a bit more insight into the other competitors rather than just assuming their all evil for being in competition with Katniss. The ending is odd and a bit strained, and I find it hard to believe the television writer Suzanne Collins, who created this series, had never even heard of Battle Royale. Despite these negative aspects, it does get interesting about na hour in, when the games actually begin.

You’ll like this if you liked : Battle Royale

Humpday (2009) 6/10

Starring : Mark Duplass, Joshua Leonard, Alycia Delmore
Director : Lynn Shelton
Running Time : 95 mins

Ben (Duplass) and Andrew (Leonard) are old college roommates. Since college, Ben has grown up and lives with his wife Anna (Delmore) and they plan on having kids, while Andrew is still the juvenile he always was. Andrew’s plan to make an erotic art film takes a weird turn when he and Ben are dared into making a gay porn film for Hump Fest.

This movie sounds funnier than it is. The problem is that a vast amount of the movie has the two men trying to get Anna to be alright with Ben working on the gay porno, and it does actually get quite serious as she gives him ultimatums. It’s a very uncomfortable look at how friendships can really drive people to do anything for each other, regardless of what it is, but it’s hard to say if, as a viewer, we’re expected to want them to have sex or want them to realise how idiotic the whole thing is and just stop.

You’ll like this if you liked : Zack And Miri Make A Porno

The River Murders (2011) 6/10

Starring : Ray Liotta, Christian Slater, Ving Rhames, Gisele Fraga
Director : Rich Cowan
Running Time : 93 mins

Homicide detective Jack Verdon (Liotta) finds himself the prime suspect in a series of brutal murders when FBI agent Vuckovitch (Slater) discovers that all of the victims are his former lovers. Due to his connection to the case, Verdon is suspended and forced to work outside the law to find out who is behind the killings before they get to his wife, Ana (Fraga).

This started off incredibly slowly, but it became quite interesting once it became clear that the victims were all Liotta’s ex-lovers. Liotta is directed beautifully, and at times we aren’t sure if he is involved in the killings or not, but once we know who the real killer is, we route all the way for Liotta to catch him before he kills his wife. It’s just a shame this feels like it was a TV movie.

You’ll like this if you liked : Striking Distance

Mirror Mirror (2012) 6/10

Starring : Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane, Sean Bean
Director : Tarsem Signh
Running Time : 106 mins

Snow White (Collins), the daughter of a missing King (Bean), has been locked away in the royal palace by her stepmother, the Queen (Roberts), but when visiting Prince Alcott (Hammer) falls in love with Snow, the Queen decides to have her killed. Fortunately Snow survives and is taken in by a gang of dwarf thieves who agree to help her regain her kingdom from the Queen’s evil clutches.

For a kids movie, this was actually not bad, with the thief dwarves being one of the highlights, and a wonderfully campy Nathan Lane another. Collins eyebrows were really distracting at first – I’m not sure what they did to them to make them look so big! – but once I got used to them I managed to enjoy the story somewhat. Roberts wasn’t too bad as the villain, but I can’t help thinking there might have been someone else who could have made the role more entertaining…

You’ll like this if you liked : Ella Enchanted

Poultrygeist : Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006) 7/10

Starring : Jason Yachanin, Kate Graham, Allyson Sereboff
Director : Lloyd Kaufman
Running Time : 99 mins

A year after his girlfriend Wendy (Graham) leaves Tromaville and goes off to college, Arbie (Yachanin) discovers that she has become a lesbian and has joined a group that are protesting against a chain of chicken joints that have opened a branch on an American Indian Burial ground, but when the former residents take issue with the chicken joint they start infecting the food and turning those who eat it into human-chicken hybrids.

This is the stupidest, most politically incorrect movie I can remember seeing in a very long time. From unnecessary nudity to bestiality, over the top violence to rascist comments about every nationality you can think of, this has everything you could expect in a parody movie, plus it manages not to feel like just a series of stand-alone scenes by having a plot (albeit a flimsy one) that runs throughout the movie. Fans of Troma will love this, but those not familiar with flicks such as The Toxic Avenger should be warned before sitting down to watch this.

You’ll like this if you liked : Cannibal : The Musical

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows : Part 2 (2011) 8/10

Starring : Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes
Director : David Yates
Running Time : 126 mins

With the help of his friends Ron Weasley (Grint) and Hermione Granger (Watson), Harry Potter (Radcliffe) continues his quest to locate the remaining horcruxes which contain elements of Lord Voldemort’s (Fiennes) soul. Unfortunately Voldemort discovers their plan and launches an attack against Hogwart’s, just as Harry discovers that the final horcrux is bound to his own life and the only way to destroy it is for him to die.

Fans of the Harry Potter franchise will be pleased with this final movie in the series. There’s plenty of action and the majority of the storylines are rectified (although I’m still not sure if Neville and Luna go together or not). It pretty much stuck to the book, which means the only part to really complain about is the last scene which is only there to try and prevent people doing any sequels. A great ending to a largely good series.

You’ll like this if you liked : Percy Jackson & The Olympians : The Lightning Thief

Blue Valentine (2010) 8/10

Starring : Ryan Gosling, Michelle Williams, Mike Vogel, John Doman
Director : Derek Cianfrance
Running Time : 112 mins

Dean Pereira (Gosling) is a high school dropout working for a moving company who meets Cindy Heller (Williams) when he is delivering furniture to an old peoples home. Cindy has recently broken up with her boyfriend Bobby (Vogel), by whom she has unknowingly gotten pregnant, and the two eventually hit it off when they run into each other on the bus a few weeks later. Years later, the two are married and raising the child together, but Cindy starts to resent Dean for having no ambition and for not being what she thinks of as a man.

I did enjoy this movie, but really couldn’t understand what Cindy’s problem was. Granted, Dean was an unambitious and uneducated man, but she knew that when they met. Why they ever got married is beyond me, but in spite of this niggling gripe this is still a well acted and well directed movie.

You’ll like this if you liked : Candy

Avengers Assemble (2012) 8/10

Starring : Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L Jackson
Director : Joss Whedon
Running Time : 137 mins

International peace keeping agency SHIELD brings together a group of super powered humans to form a super team when a global security threat is unleashed on the world in the shape of the mischievous Norse God Loki (Hiddleston). The team, formed of Iron Man (Downey Jr), Captain America (Evans), Thor (Hemsworth), The Hulk (Ruffalo), Black Widow (Johansson) and Hawkeye (Renner) must stop Loki from getting his hands on an energy source called the Tesseract before he uses it to take over the world.

Fans of Marvel Comics have been waiting since 2008, when the first hints of an Avengers movie appeared in the closing credits of both The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man, for this movie to reach fruition. And it seems it was worth the wait. There’s lots of action and plenty of character development which will keep the die-hard fans happy as well as giving cinema goers and visual spectacle that also has some laughs and some great scripting.

You’ll like this if you liked : 4 : Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Eden Lake (2008) 6/10

Starring : Kelly Reilly, Michael Fassbender, Jack O’Connell, Thomas Turgoose
Director : James Watkins
Running Time : 88 mins

Jenny (Reilly) and Steve (Fassbender) take a romantic weekend away to a remote lake where Steve plans to propose, but when a gang of youths start causing them grief by vandalizing then stealing their car and eventually attack and severely injure Steve when he accidentally kills their dog, Jenny finds herself running for her life as the kids close in on her.

I’m marking this movie down because films where the villains are obnoxious kids really get on my nerves, especially when the kids get away with it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good film, but the problem I have with it is that kids will watch it and think that they can get away with murder. In my opinion this should be classed as a video nasty, and the stupid kids that are in it should be locked up.

You’ll like this if you liked : Funny Games

Tower Heist (2011) 7/10

Starring : Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Casey Affleck, Matthew Broderick, Michael Pena, Alan Alda
Director : Brett Ratner
Running Time : 105 mins

When Josh Kovaks (Stiller) discovers that millionaire Arthur Shaw (Alda) is in fact a con man and has conned him and all of his co-workers out of their retirement money, he decides to make amends by breaking into Shaw’s wall safe, located in his penthouse apartment. In order to do this, he is forced to employ the help of local criminal Slide (Murphy), the only person he can think of who might now something about breaking and entering.

In spite of all the stereotypical characters and unlikely scenarios, this was still an enjoyable romp. Stiller plays a likeable fool, while Murphy plays an unlikeable one, but it’s Alda that steals the show with his two-faced character that is all sweetness and light until his money is gone. Fans of Murphy might not like him in this, but Stiller fans will enjoy his familiar performance.

You’ll like this if you liked : 30 Minutes Or Less

Wrath Of The Titans (2012) 7/10

Starring : Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Edgar Ramirez, Toby Kebbell, Rosamund Pike
Director : Jonathan Liebesman
Running Time : 100 mins

A decade after destroying the terrible beast known as the Kraken, the demi-God Perseus (Worthington) is forced to travel into the underworld – with the help of Andromeda (Pike) and Agenor (Kebbell) - to rescue his father Zeus (Neeson) who is being held captive by his two sons Ares (Ramirez) and Hades (Fiennes), who have in a fit of anger done a deal with Kronos, the evil leader of the Titans.

For an unnecessary sequel, I was surprised that I liked this more than the Clash Of The Titans. This might be because I already knew what was going to happen in the first movie, and this was also a little bit more light hearted. Some of the music in the fight scenes felt like they were stolen from the 1960s Batman series. But in spite of this it was still an enjoyable romp that only suffered from the fact that it felt like it was ending at the sixty minute mark..

You’ll like this if you liked : Clash Of The Titans

Three (2005) 6/10

Starring : Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Juan Pablo Di Pace
Director : Stewart Raffill
Running Time : 91 mins

Following a shipwreck, the soul survivors are beautiful and spoilt rich girl Jennifer (Brook ) and handsome crew member Manuel (Di Pace), who find themselves washed up on a remote beach where they struggle to survive, but when Jenny’s husband Jack (Zane) also appears on the beach after two days, jealousy starts to loom its ugly head.

I basically sat down to watch this because I knew Kelly Brook was going to get her kit off. Things start off poorly, with Brook and Di Pace becoming marooned on a desert island and slowly going from bitter enemies to reluctant friends, mainly due to their sexual attraction which they for some reason never explore, but once Zane is discovered to still be alive things really hot up and some unexplainable animosity begins to breed, again due to the two men’s sexual attraction to Brook, and eventually Brook cheats on Zane – at a point where she’s bound to get caught. The borderline rape scene between Di Pace and Brook was a little uncomfortable, but fans of psychological drama rather than plain violence might enjoy this.

You’ll like this if you liked : The Blue Lagoon